What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
