I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
