Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
