you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
