You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
