You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
