My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
