are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
