No I am not eating basil off your cock
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
