u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just got carded by a ten year old.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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