For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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