My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
