Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize