are you still at the devil's house?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
