i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
