I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
