You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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