yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
