if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
