just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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