At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
