OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
