she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
