I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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