sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He? As in you personified your dick?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
