so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
