Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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