so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
