I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
