everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
