My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
