this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
