He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
