Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
