maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
