Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
