Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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