the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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