Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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