fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
