Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
