I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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