If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
false alarm. still invincible.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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