1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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