i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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