When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
