Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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