You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize