I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Found your dick twin last night
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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