I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
