I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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