I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
