your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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