they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
