bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
