so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
