So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
