God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
