she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize