I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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