I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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