do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
