Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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