How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
