I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
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