I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
