Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
