remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize