My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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