So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
