i wish my penis had a tongue
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
