I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
