Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
third nipple confirmed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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